it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
