who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
