the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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