Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
