I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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