I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
