whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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