There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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