party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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