so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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