the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize