so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
