I have demons in me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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