If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
