the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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