he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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