my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
