Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
ttyl tear gas
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
