we have pet lesbian snakes
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
