shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
