Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
