Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
