I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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