So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
