She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
