Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
