I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
