I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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