I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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