somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
