I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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