Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think my moral compass just broke
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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