Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
