I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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