obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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