No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Randomize
