thus making me awesome and them whores
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
