i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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