Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
