I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
