Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
