smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
my poor anus
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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