Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
