just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize