oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
