God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i think i have two assholes
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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