too bad you live with your parents still
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
