the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
