If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
