Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
