So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
