I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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