You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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