I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
too bad you live with your parents still
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
