The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
