did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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