North Korea, Best Korea!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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