The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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