i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
