I can't watch pbs sober anymore
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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