i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
