chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
