You really coming over, don't trick.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
