Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
