Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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