How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
