ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
