I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
