It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
