please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
