True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
