btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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