her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize