we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize