you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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